Category Archives: Uncategorized

PDX

Scene: playground in Portland, OR Abe: dad, it’s so hot! Can I take off my shirt? Me: Sure, I guess so Abe: Max! Look! You can take off your shirt! Max: No thanks! I’m not taking off my shirt at … Continue reading

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Wha?

Max, standing up at breakfast. Me: Hey, sit down there, fella. Finish your breakfast. Max: I can’t Me: Why not? Sit down and eat Max: Dad! I just feel crazy. And standing helps Me: crazy? Crazy how? Max: you know, … Continue reading

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Yes, Max, your life is so hard

Abe: Maxie, look at all these bug bites Max: Uh huh. Mom has Calamine. It stops the itching Abe: They itch really bad! Maxie, get me that Calamine Max: Ask mom. Mom has it Abe: Can you get it? [whining] … Continue reading

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Zombies

Abe: dad! Get a picture of me and Jesse Me: oh, look, the flash made your eyes look weird. I’ll take… Abe: No no no! I want to see it! (Checks it out) Abe: Awesome! I love it! I’m a … Continue reading

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Abe the Magpie

In my living room, there is a box. It belongs to Abe and no one can touch it unless they enjoy being berated. Things in it include: photo of Abe’s soccer team tiny orange wallet mini scissors silver pencil orange … Continue reading

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Oops

The scene: Shabbat dinner Early signs of trouble: Leah is out to dinner, I can only find one candlestick, and we’re out of wine But wait: Look! We have sparkling cider. Everyone can enjoy that So I pour some for … Continue reading

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Report card day

Max’s report card made its way home from school. Like everything else sent home from bps, it arrived without fanfare or context. It had a bunch of 3s and 4s on it, so, great, but max wasn’t very excited. Except … Continue reading

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One day, two conversations

Conversation I The scene: just before the children’s Rosh Hashana service Max: Why do we have to wear these hats? Me: Um, because, you know, it shows respect for God, basically. (For those of you keeping score at home, the … Continue reading

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No. Not the Eagles. Anything but that.

Max: Hey, it’s Sunday! Can we watch the Giants? Me: No, they’re on tomorrow, after you go to bed. Max: Well, can we watch the Eagles? Me: No, they’re on late, too. But it would be fun to cheer against … Continue reading

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Holy f*&%king s%$#, watching Abe in a pie-eating contest is go$%#^mn funny

Oh, Labor Day weekend, you are the best thing about not being a teacher any more. I used to hate this holiday, because why would you like a holiday that is all about having a stomachache? But now, since I … Continue reading

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